Wit & Wisdom

Jeder kann sich ins Pentagon einhacken, das geht ganz geschwind, sogar in Zeiten als es noch Commodore 64 gab.
[ENDE]

Read more …

In a certain suburban neighborhood, there were two brothers, 8 and 10 years old, who were exceedingly mischievous. Whatever went wrong in the neighborhood, it turned out they had had a hand in it. Their parents were at their wits' end trying to control them. Hearing about a priest nearby who worked with delinquent boys, the mother suggested to the father that they ask the priest to talk with the boys. The father replied, „Sure, do that before I kill them!“ The mother went to the priest and made her request. He agreed, but said he wanted to see the younger boy first and alone. So the mother sent him to the priest. The priest sat the boy down across a huge, impressive desk he sat behind. For about five minutes they just sat and stared at each other. Finally, the priest pointed his forefinger at the boy and asked, „Where is God?“ The boy looked under the desk, in the corners of the room, all around, but said nothing. Again, louder, the priest pointed at the boy and asked, „Where is God?“ Again the boy looked all around but said nothing. A third time, in a louder, firmer voice, the priest leaned far across the desk and put his forefinger almost to the boy's nose, and asked, „Where is God?“ The boy panicked and ran all the way home. Finding his older brother, he dragged him upstairs to their room and into the closet, where they usually plotted their mischief. He finally said, „We are in BIIIIG trouble.“ The older boy asked, „What do you mean, BIIIIG trouble?“ His brother replied, „God is missing and they think we did it.“
[PERIOD]

Read more …

Kommt ein Mann zum Rabbiner und sagt: „Rabbi, jemand hat mir gestohlen meinen schnen Regenschirm, den mit dem wertvollen Goldknauf.

Was mich aber viel mehr aufregt als der Verlust ist dies: Ich kann den Gedanken nicht loswerden, dass es einer von der Mischpoche war.

Etwa der Schwager, die Schwiegermutter – was wei ich – womglich gar der Vater Gottbehte oder mein eigener Bruder: Stell Dir vor: Ein Dieb in der Familie!“

Der Rabbi denkt nach. Sagt nach einer Weile: „Hr gut zu, Mendel. Lad ein die ganze Mischpoche zu Kaffee und Kuchen. Den Schwager, die Schwiegermutter – was wei ich – den Vater Gottbehte und den Bruder.

Und wenn getrunken ist der Kaffee und gegessen der Kuchen, holst Du das Buch auf den Tisch und mit schner Stimme liest Du ihnen vor die Zehn Gebote.

Und wenn Du kommst zu dem Siebten Gebot blickst Du zum ersten Mal auf von Deinem Buch und siehst Dir an die Runde, die ganze Mischpoche. So aus dem Augenwinkel, Du verstehst! Den Schwager, die Schwiegermutter – was wei ich – den Vater Gottbehte und den Bruder. Und was wirst Du bemerken, Mendel? Der Schuldige wird sich verraten. Geht mit Gott, Mendel und komm wieder, um zu berichten.“

Schon zwei Tage spter ist Mendel wieder da. „Nu, was war?“ fragt ihn der Rabbi.
„Was soll ich Dir sagen, Rebbe“, antwortete Mendel mit strahlenden Gesicht.
„Es war – es war einfach groartig. Genau wie Du mir hast vorausgesagt, Rebbe!
Nach dem Kaffee und Kuchen habe ich angezndet die Kerzen, und mit schner Stimme, so wahr mir Gott helfe, habe ich vorgelesen die Zehn Gebote: Dem Schwager, der Schwiegermutter – was wei ich – dem Vater Gottbehte und meinem Bruder. Und was soll ich Dir sagen:

Wie ich komme zu dem Gebot: „Du sollst nicht ehebrechen“, da ist mir eingefallen, wo ich den Schirm hab stehen lassen!“
[ENDE]

Read more …

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground. While he was lying there, a cow walked by and dropped some dung on him. The cow dung warmed the bird and he began to sing. A passing cat heard the song, dug the bird out of the dung and ate him.
The morals of the story:
Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
And when you are in deep shit, it is best to keep your mouth shut!
(Business Spotlight, 6/2012)
[PERIOD]
Read more …

between a man buying a lottery ticket and a man arguing with a woman?
The man buying the ticket has at least one chance in 16 million to win!
[PERIOD]

Read more …

Your 14-year-old daughter comes home from school saying that her class had a sex-education lesson with a PRESENTATION or
Your 14-year-old daughter comes home from school saying that she had sex TRAINING.
[PERIOD]

Read more …

Wine certainly improves with age. The older I get, the more I like it.
[PERIOD]
Read more …

was schon getan wurde, man sieht immer nur, was noch zu tun bleibt.“ (Marie Curie)
[ENDE]
Read more …

wirst, dann musst du irgend etwas richtig machen. Denn man greift nur denjenigen an, der den Ball hat.“ (Bruce Lee)
[ENDE]
Read more …

a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he's wrong.“
[PERIOD]
Read more …