19. Dezember 2010
and the things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. Attorney: Can you describe the individual?
Witness: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Attorney: Was this a male or a female?
Witness: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male. [PERIOD]
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12. Dezember 2010
At the age of 90 Bob Hope had changed his major hobby, instead of golf he then preferred painting.
Do you know why?
– No. Tell me.
– Less strokes! [PERIOD]
5. Dezember 2010
The loaded mini-van pulled into the campsite. Four children jumped from the car and began to feverishly unload the trunk and set up the tent. The boys rushed to gather firewood, while the girls and their mother set up the camp stove and cooking utensils.
A nearby camper marvelled to the youngsters' father, „That, Sir, is some extraordinary display of teamwork.“
The father replied, „I have a system: no one goes to the bathroom until the camp is set up.“ [PERIOD]
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28. November 2010
Stumm stehen zwei Angler am Fluss. Nach sechs Stunden flucht der eine: „Jetzt hast Du schon wieder den Fu zur Seite gestellt. Angeln wir nun, oder tanzen wir Foxtrott?“[ENDE]
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21. November 2010
A man goes into a restaurant, sits down at a table, and when the waitress asks for his order, says, „I want a quickie.“
She slaps his face and says, „Now would you please give me your order?
Again he says, „I want a quickie.“ She slaps him again and says, „I'll give you one last chance; what do you want?“
Someone from the next table leans over and says quietly to the man; „I think it's pronounced quiche.“ [PERIOD}
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14. November 2010
Ein Manager wurde im Flugzeug neben ein kleines Mdchen gesetzt. Der Manager wandte sich ihr zu und sagte: „Wollen wir uns ein wenig unterhalten? Ich habe gehrt, dass Flge schneller vorber gehen, wenn man mit einem Mitpassagier redet.“
Das kleine Mdchen, das gerade sein Buch geffnet hatte, schloss es langsam und sagte zum Manager: „Worber mchten Sie denn reden?“
„Oh, ich wei nicht“, antwortete der Manager. „Wie wr's ber Atomstrom?“
„OK“, sagte sie, „dies wre ein interessantes Thema! Aber erlauben Sie mir zuerst eine Frage: Ein Pferd, eine Kuh und ein Reh essen alle dasselbe Zeug: Gras. Aber das Reh scheidet kleine Kgelchen aus, die Kuh einen flachen Fladen und das Pferd produziert Klumpen getrockneten Grases. Warum, denken Sie, dass dies so ist?“
Der Manager denkt darber nach und sagt: „Nun, ich habe keine Idee.“
Darauf antwortet das kleine Mdchen: „Fhlen Sie sich wirklich kompetent genug, ber Atomstrom zu reden, wenn Sie beim Thema Scheie schon berfordert sind?“ [ENDE]
7. November 2010
Taxiing down the tarmac, a plane abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.
A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, „What was the problem?“
„The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine,“ he explained.
„So it took an hour to fix the problem?“ the passenger asked.
„No,“ he replied, „It took us an hour to find another pilot.“
[PERIOD]
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31. Oktober 2010
A frog calls the psychic hotline and is told, „You are going to meet a beautiful young woman who will want to know everything about you.“The frog says, „Wow! This is really great news. Will I meet her next week at that party?““No,“ answers the psychic. „Next semester – in her biology class.“[PERIOD]
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24. Oktober 2010
An Arab student sends an e-mail to his dad, saying:
Dear Dad,
Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad, I am a bit ashamed to arrive at my college with my pure-gold Ferrari 599GTB when all my teachers and many fellow students travel by train.
Your son, Nasser
The next day, Nasser gets a reply to his e-mail from his dad:
My dear loving son,
Twenty million US Dollars have just been transferred to your account. Please stop embarrassing us. Go and get yourself a train, too.
Love, Dad [PERIOD]
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10. Oktober 2010
Der Pauschaltourist bekommt zum Frhstck einen winzigen Klecks Honig. „Ach, wie ist das mglich“, fragt er die Serviererin, „eine Biene haben Sie auch?“ [ENDE]
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